25 February 1998

Where do I start? I was up early again this

morning, and have called my doc, my mom,

the vet, and my best friend, Sherri (Tuey) and

that was all before 8am...Before I called

everyone, I took a shower, chose my clothes,

played with the cats, and checked my email.

Now I think I'd better write before the

pains of the day take over! Hockey starts

today--the first televised game after the

Olympics.

What a relief! It has been a long

dry spell for me! LOL The games were nice,

but I really like the plain old NHL.

I shaved my head yesterday--

it was as traumatic the second

time around as the first. Now I am bald--

rather to shave it now than to

shed hair all over later on.

I wish I could keep my hair--

I don't want to be remembered

bald if the chemo fails. I also

wanted pictures taken of

Tuey and I, as a memento if all goes wrong.

Macabre, but I think of all these things!

Joel answered my question from yesterday,

and to my satisfaction!

What a guy! I also think Lanie,

his wife is pretty cool too...

I had a rough day yesterday,

as it started off so well

and went so bad. I started to hurt,

and got terribly discouraged.

The odds seemed insurmountable.

I felt like giving up...but

as you all can see, I am up

and trying to run again this morning!

One step at a time...

26 February 1998

Greetings...it seems as the pain increases,

my will to live wanes.

I am in much pain this fine morning,

and I feel as if I could die from it.

I am going to email my doc and tell him

how it is that I feel. He can't fix me,

most likely, but at least he will know

what is going on with me! I feel like this cancer

is going to do what it came to do...kill me.

That's how it is when the pain comes.

You will have to forgive my lack of optimism,

but that is how I feel. Not much has gone

on since yesterday--just me in my apartment

with my cats... I did make a card for a friend

yesterday, and file my taxes! WOW!!!

What an exciting life I lead!

Pat made a Journey part two for my webpage,

and it looks good! I am really sorry..I just

can't sit straight up long enough to finish this...

I'll send it off anyways so you all can

know how I feel today.

Jo